


Devoured by Dinosaur (Australian Version)

by Sangerin



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Australia, Bureaucracy, Crack, Gen, Humor, Immigration & Emigration, Political References, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-25
Updated: 2013-06-25
Packaged: 2017-12-16 03:34:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/857303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sangerin/pseuds/Sangerin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Federation Immigration Service tries out their latest holographic officer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Devoured by Dinosaur (Australian Version)

**Author's Note:**

> Written prior to "Devoured by Dinosaur", this too was a challenge response to a challenge related to the fact that Mark Harelik had a small role in Jurassic Park III.

Their personal cloaks activated, special agents Etxe and Jala stationed themselves on either side of their new recruit.

‘He’s a bit of a dinosaur, of course,’ said Etxe, with a jerk of his head toward the newest officer.

‘What do you mean?’ asked Jala. ‘I thought the use of holographic officers was brand new.’

‘Using holograms is new,’ agreed Etxe. ‘It got just too dangerous for real people to do this job.’

Jala nodded. ‘I’ve heard about the recent attacks.’

Etxe shook his head sorrowfully. ‘What is the galaxy coming to?’ he said. ‘Anyway, someone in the design department obviously had a sense of humour and access to an historical database. This fellow,’ he indicated the new recruit, ‘is based on a man from the 21st century. He was the political spokesperson on Immigration for the old Earth country of Australia. Had quite a reputation, apparently.’

Jala circled the hologram, studying its white hair and bland face. ‘Reputation for what?’

‘The historical records aren’t quite clear on that,’ said Etxe. ‘It looks as though they were tampered with.’

‘You mean someone wanted to cover up what he’d done?’ asked Jala.

‘I can only speculate,’ replied Etxe. An airlock opened at the end of the cavernous room. ‘Quiet – here comes our first customer.’

The customer was quite handsome – pale skin, dark hair, an intriguing expression on his face. He walked up to the hologram behind the desk. ‘Good morning.’

‘Completed forms, please,’ said the officer. ‘Name?’

‘Kashyk,’ he said, handing over a padd.

‘First or last?’ said the hologram in a monotone.

‘Name?’ asked Kashyk. ‘It’s my only name.’

‘Unacceptable.’

Kashyk stared at the official, but shrugged his shoulders. ‘It is the alpha quadrant after all,’ he said. ‘I should have expected barbarism. Put me down as Inspector Kashyk, then.’

The official fiddled with his padd. ‘Skills?’

‘Leadership, music appreciation, seduction,’ said Kashyk.

The official’s eyes flickered at the last-named ‘skill,’ but put the padd down and looked back at Kashyk with a sneer. ‘You have no skills that are useful to the Federation,’ he said. ‘Immigration request denied – the deportation queue is over there,’ he finished.

Kashyk’s eyes narrowed. ‘What if I told you that my skills are in persecution, execution of innocents, and manipulation?’

The official picked up the padd again. ‘Perhaps I should review your case,’ he said. ‘Those skills sound much more suitable.’

Behind their sound-dampening cloaks, Etxe and Jala were laughing. ‘This guy’s good,’ said Jala, indicating Kashyk.

‘He is – but see that Ruddock-1 here gets sent back to the lab for re-programming. Obviously some of the personality files were left intact. And he needs to be updated to deal with single-name cultures.’

‘As soon as this man is processed, sir,’ agreed Jala with a nod.

The formalities complete, Ruddock-1 stood up. ‘Welcome to the Federation, Inspector Kashyk.’ He looked down at the padd in front of him. ‘Sorry, one more question. What species are you?’

‘Devore,’ said Kashyk.

Etxe and Jala watched over Ruddock-1’s shoulder as the hologram input ‘Devour’.

‘Don’t worry about it, Jala,’ said Etxe. ‘It’s in the best traditions of the Immigration service.’

Kashyk shook hands with the hologram and walked past the man’s desk to the door leading to the legal entrance to the Federation.

Jala watched the Devour leave the room. Then he turned to Ruddock-1, and prepared to transfer his program back to the lab for re-programming.

**Author's Note:**

> Note: Agents Etxe and Jala take their names from cyclists in the 2001 Tour de France - David Etxebarria (Euskatel-Euskadi) and Laurent Jalabert (CSC). I believe that Jalabert won the King of the Mountains jersey. (This would have been the second year I watched the Tour.)


End file.
